Her story :

Perpetually single

Students: “Miss Brouwer, do you have a boyfriend/husband?”

Me: “No.”

S: “Why not?”

Me: “I don’t know. You would have to ask God about that.”

Perpetually single.

That’s what I like to reply when people ask me what my relationship status is. 

For all 29 – almost 30 years of my life, I have never been in a relationship.
I have only ever been on two dates. The first one was a blind date set up by my roommate
in university and the second was someone I had been talking to on Match.
Yes – I have been desperate enough to pay for subscriptions on dating websites.
But those two dates didn’t go anywhere. Both were very nice guys but just not for me.
There were also a few guys I spent some considerable time talking to online and
then all of a sudden those conversations would just die off.

Of course during this time, Satan was full-on in my head trying to bring me down.
Constant thoughts of
I’m not pretty enough, Why don’t guys like me?, What am I doing wrong?,
What is wrong with me, Why does no one want to be with me?

Pretty sure I’m not the only one that has experienced thoughts like that.

I also have a very strong dislike for Valentine’s Day and as I get older,
New Year’s Eve and Mother’s Day as they remind me of my singleness and
lack of achievement in my life up till now.


But as I’ve been talking with some friends lately, I’ve come to some realizations.
Even though I am on the heels of turning 30 and my life looks nothing like what
I had planned for myself in my younger days, I am OKAY with where I am in my life.
God has a plan. And that plan includes when/if I will meet my future husband.
Yes there are times when I am not okay with that plan, but those times are my feelings and
the feelings of the pressures of this world. As much as this long state of singleness has sucked
and having no +1 as friends get married, this is what God has for me at this point in my life.

I started a new job in the middle of the fall and most of the time when
I am talking about this new job with friends and family,
within the first five questions are: any cute, single guys there? That question kind of bugs me.

Right now I am at a good place with my current relationship status.
Yes, there are a few single guys working there. But that is not my focus right now.
I am four months into a new job and still don’t always feel like I know what I am doing.
My focus is on my students and how I can best serve them.
I don’t have much time for anything else in my life right now. So obviously, and in God’s perfect timing,
I am not in a relationship right now for a reason.
Change that – I am in a relationship right now – with Christ my Saviour.

During this time where I am just struggling to feel like I can keep my head above the water,
I have been turning to my Rescuer to help me during this time.
This relationship is giving me peace and reassurance and that is all I need during this time.
I wouldn’t have the time or headspace to commit to being in a relationship.

It constantly amazes me how everything works out according to God’s purpose and His timing.
He knew what this new job would hold for me and my current state in life is all according to His will.

I have hope that there is someone out there for me
and someday my prince will come (Disney reference anyone?).

I look forward to that day when I will meet him and we will begin that,
hopefully forever, relationship.
But for now, I will continue to work on my relationship with my Father
and trust in His timing and plan and purpose for my life.

Leave a Reply

Translate »