Purposed Creation – Natalie Chittick
She stands at the foot of the steps; rattled, gathering her emotions, mind spinning holding onto a small picture; she’s at a crossroads.
What a year it had been – her life had been turned upside down in more ways than she could fathom and it will never be the same.
She’d felt betrayed, frightened, used, and alone. As one of the younger children in a family of 10 kids you’d think she’d have felt belonging and security but because of her choice her father had disowned her and her mother had her hands full raising other children and it wasn’t a good home; in fact they were well acquainted with Child & Family services.
She was a quiet girl, considered shy by most and deeply wanting to be loved. She thought that someone had seen value in her and genuinely loved her; but she was wrong; he’d simply used her to get back at someone else. He not only had lied to her but to his wife and children – he was leading a double life and she; she was just collateral damage. So she walked away – but she didn’t completely walk away alone … she had committed to protecting the life that was now growing inside of her.
She was 17; a baby having a baby. Her father had stopped speaking to her when he found out, she was part of a huge family that just couldn’t afford to feed on more mouth and she felt incapable of doing this on her own. So what choice did she have – she had a thousand voices telling her she couldn’t, this isn’t what she wants; she knew it was true and felt conflicted; but this was no life for a child much less herself. So she made the only choice she felt she could – she gave that baby up for adoption; and was left wondering if she made the right choice.
Sounds like the script for a movie plot doesn’t it? We’ve likely all watched one that runs along similar lines – but here’s the difference …. that story right there …. that’s my birth mother’s truth.
We can probably all think of pivotal moments in our lives; things that mark a significant decision or a life changing choice. My history is marked by many of those and when I received my redacted file for CAS a decade ago, two worlds collided that day; mine and hers. It was such a strange day – one that I did not anticipate and feeling the swell of emotions that in a moment of reading “my history” I thought would affect me the way it did.
I was a young mom myself when I received this information and could not fathom her story as I blended it with my own: finding out she was pregnant, realizing she had no choice but to give me up and then walk away empty handed … except for that picture.
All my life growing up I cannot remember not knowing I was adopted; it’s always been a part of who I defined myself as. I struggled as a teenager to reconcile that for me to wanted by someone I had to be not wanted by someone else.
For decades this nagging “truth” sat in the back of my mind and I wondered how I fit in, who I was like, who did I look like.
Fast forward to 5 years ago, having just lost one of my very best friends to a long, hard 4 year battle with breast cancer and looking at her 3 young children who now have no mother.
I sat in a room full of girlfriends watching an online women’s conference by Beth Moore. She was speaking on identity; who are we and what has God purposed us for; our stories are different; filled with various struggles and journeys but at the end of the day we were asked to speak the above affirmation and declaration: the defining commonality to all of us.
Let me tell you, I struggled to say those words, speak those truths and believe them to be my truth in my core.
As I spoke them facing one of my friends, tears streaming down my face. It was in that moment that all the dots connected between my history, my story and the future story that I would live out and speak over my daughters so that it was their truth; a legacy that would shape where I had come from to where I was going:
I am His purposed creation.
You are His purposed creation.
And we as women have such a special and coveted spot in God’s story of humanity.
We as women carry unique qualities and attributes that God in His infinite wisdom knew was needed in the tapestry of His masterful plan; for all of creation to see.
We as women need to acknowledge that we are created in the image of God in the same way that man is in the image of God; we mirror the very nature of God. When God created woman in Genesis 1 it is out of God’s observation that it wasn’t good for man to be on his own; we have infinite worth as we were not created in a lower position than man, but from man’s side to tell us we are created to journey alongside.
A quote from John Piper reminds us “Women are necessary for the full revelation of God’s glory”
We need to celebrate our uniqueness, our differences and how our story, our history doesn’t define us but instead can be used to celebrate who God says we are.
“I am a woman of God, redeemed by Jesus Christ”
(1 Corinthians 15:10; Isaiah 49:16; 2 Corinthians 6:18)
“Loved, pursued and chosen”
(Psalm 46:5; 1 Peter 2:9; Proverbs 31:10)
“Equipped with words of life”
(Proverbs 18:4; Ephesians 2:10; Hebrews 4:12)
“Clothed in strength and dignity”
(Proverbs 31:25; Psalm 46:5)
“Commissioned here and now; gifted by the Spirit”
(John 14:16; Ephesians 1:16,17; Acts 5:32; John 7:38,39)
“Forgiven and unbound”
(2 Corinthians 3:17; Galatians 5:1; Romans 6:22)
“Blessed is she who believed” (Luke 1:45)
These are the infinite truths of being unique in God’s sight; being loved, chosen and wanted by our heavenly Father; who loves us more deeply and with an everlasting love that surpasses whatever our earthly story may be …. because we were created with a heavenly purpose in mind.
For so long I had believed that my worth and my story were defined by the pieces of the puzzle that I knew: I was born out of wedlock to a young woman who didn’t want me and a father who didn’t even know I existed. I was forgotten.
But oh how wrong I was! I was created for a purpose that could not be defined by my earthly circumstances; my gaze had been fixed on the brokenness of my earthly story … but the shift happened when God’s still small voice spoke in my ear:
“You have been created for more; out of an unquenchable love by One who knows your story, knows your brokenness and calls you to bring Him your pieces; lay them at His feet and know that you were wanted so immensely as part of His story and that you are weaved into the master tapestry for His glory”
So back to where we started: She stood at the foot of the steps, rattled and gathering her emotions, mind spinning holding onto a small picture; she’s at a crossroads.
This is the last written picture I have of my birth mother. That small picture is of me; the last and only thing I know that she had of me. She’d come back to CAS to say that she regretted giving me up, that she’d felt pushed into giving me up. She was told it was too late; that I’d already been placed for adoption and was it.
But it’s not the ending; because it was my beginning. And I hope a new beginning for her. If I could have just 5 minutes with her this is what I would say:
Thank you. Thank you for making a huge sacrifice on my behalf. Thank you for selflessly making the hardest decision that a mother can make. Thank you for giving me life. Thank you for thinking of me before yourself.
Isn’t this the same as what our heavenly father did for us? Jesus looked at the cross then looked at you, at me and said “You’re worth it”
You were and are created for a purpose; lean into it, despite your history, your past, your story – because you were created with so much love that God can and will use you for His glory.
That, my sweet sister, is your truth ❤️